46

So, remember how I said something to the effect of "this blog is primarily about my riding journey, but I can't pretend that my riding happens in a vaccum"? This is going to be a short, "riding doesn't happen in a vaccum" life update post. I'll start with the big news: As I'm writing this, 11/07/2020 15:24 the AP has called the presidential election for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. It's worth noting that it's not official official yet, but given the electoral vote lead Biden has, as I understand it, there is simply not a mathematical path to victory for Trump. It's also worth noting that as of this writing the Trump/Pence ticket has lost by 4 million votes. It will be a wild ride to the inaguration, I'm sure.

On a personal note, the big news is this--I've accepted a new job at Indeed, and I start on the 30th of November. It's been quite a ride at Expedia, but quite frankly, I am burnt out, and need a change. Here's to hopng that these two things are the first of many positive changes to come.

As a follow-up: it's currently 19:07, and we're waiting on Biden and Harris to speak. It's been quite some time since last I watched TV news, and my god, the vamping while we wait. I get that the anchors need to fill airtime, and keep the audience engaged, but I'm utterly uninterested in what they have to say. I just want to see what the President, and Vice President-elect have to say. Immediately after the speech, we'll switch over to watching the UFC fight card. Tomorrow, I'll go out for a hack on Selten, maybe even introduce him to a lance and see what he thinks of that. There's not too much more I feel like saying, and it looks like Biden's arriving to give his speech, so we'll cap it off here, I think.

FLYING. CHANGE.

I've been slacking on updates the past two weeks. Cliff's notes: A couple of terrible rides, followed by some significant improvement to counter-canter and collected canter. But here's one thing I have to say about today's ride:

FLYING. CHANGE. I DID MY FIRST FLYING CHANGE TODAY!!!!

I am excited about this, in case that were not patently obvious. It was a left to right change. We tried for a Right to Left, but I just didn't have enough in the tank to ride it properly. Unfortunately, I didn't get video, but I will be sure to ask someone the next time I do changes. But, all in all, a great way to start the day, and week. Later today, Selten is going to see the chiro, and the body worker Friday. Spoiled pony, but worth every penny. :)

In other news, today is my last two interviews of the last round of interviews with Indeed. One hour of programming interview, and 30 minutes of wrap-up with the HR peep. I've prepped for it the best I can, and I'll do my best, and we'll go from there. I'm going to keep this entry short today, I need to get to work, and try to do some last-minute prep for the interview.

ACCURATE.

I should get this tattooed on me. Or, at the very least, it will be a sign hanging in my barn.

In Which, Progress is Made

I missed making a post after yesterday's ride, but honestly, I'm kind of glad I did, because it would have beeen very whiny. I did not have a particularly good ride. He was lighter in the bridle, which was good, but I could feel that I was almost literally hanging on his face. I could feel it, but I couldn't stop it, which was extremely frustrating. I wanted to blame my bridle and my boots, but I knew that was just the frustration talking. And also--never blame your equipment. And that's about all the time I want to spend on Sunday, because today was much better.

I still hate the boots I'm riding in currenty, tho.

Today, there was improvement. After warming up, we worked on halts through the walk into reinback. At the start, they were messy. Way too much in my hands, completely leaving out my core, and not keeping my legs on. Shockingly, once I started actually paying attention to using my core and keeping my legs on, the halts gradually improved. I do still have to go to my hands more than I'd like in the halt, but just like with all the things I'm having trouble with, it's going to take time, and lots of wet saddle pads. When we moved to trot, we worked shoulders and haunches in. Now this, this is my jam. I have finally started to get the hang of getting and keeping the movement from my seat, and only using the reins for a brief half halt where it's needed. That's pretty much going to be my win for today.

The canter work started out pretty well, I got some nice collected canter and counter canter on both reins, but when we started working collected to mediums on the diagonal, I started falling apart. I was doing a good job of collecting him on the short side, and coming out of the corner straight onto the diagonal, and the mediums were... OK. Not nearly as uphill as they need to be, but passable. The real challenge is bringing him back from mad pony status to a collected canter. He's a big pony, and if I let him, he'll just dive on the forehand, and I try to collect him with my hands (that'snothowanyofthis works!!!!!!), he gets heavier, and careening through the short side we go. Just like riding my canter walks, I need to ride the hell out of that collection, sit him back on his hindquarters with my seat, engage my core, MORE LEG, a strong half halt with the outside rein if, and only if he's blowing the seat and core off, then get out. See, my brain knows this, I can visualize it, the muscle-brain connection needs work. In an attempt to make it easier, we went back to the 20m circle and worked on it there, but quite honestly, I was running out of steam, and flat out not being effective. We switched from the left to the right rein, and I got something workable enough that we could call it a ride.

Despite how the preceding paragraph may read, I am, in fact, very happy with how the ride went. Each time I made a mistake, I could feel in my body what was happening, and knew exactly what was going wrong, The muscle-brain connection just wasn't yet fast enough to intercede and issue the correction at the right time. The reason I'm happy about that is because I've figured out (or at least think I have) how my learning process goes:

1. I try to do the thing. Then one of two things happens
   1. I do the thing!
   2. Thing doesn't work at all.
2. If 1 a) happens, Yay! Memorize that feeling.
3. If 1 b), strap in, because this is gonna take a while. Continue trying until finally:
4. I can feel what's wrong. (A critical component in this is Christine constantly telling me :-p)
5. i can feel what's wrong and know what I need to do to fix it.
6. I feel what's wrong and implement the correction, just too late
7. One day, everything clicks, and it happens.
8. Next several rides, super inconsistent.
9. I stop thinking about it, and just fucking do it.
10. The cycle begins anew

Going back to the subject of equipment, my new bridle showed up today!! It fits Selten just fine, and he looks quite handsome in it. Of course, it came with a crystal-lined browband, because yes. Although, I'll need to swap it out with the purple browband I was given. I'll post a picture once that's done. And on that note... I should do more of that--posting pictures on the blog. This isn't the late 90s/early 2000s anymore. Blogs that are just walls of text show my age.

I'm old as fuck, y'all.

And to close on a personal note, I've been interviewing for a gig at the same company my prior boss moved to. Last week, I had the third round interview which I thought went Okay, but I was pretty sure I didn't impress the interview panel, and that's where it would end. Well, that assessment was apparently incorrect, as I've just checked my email, snd I've made it to the fourth, and last round of interviews. I'll be scheduling those this week, so we'll see what happens. But for now, it's late, and I have a full day of meetings that starts fairly early tomorrow, so I'm going to ahead and wrap it up here. My next ride should be Wednesday, and hopefully I'll be able to ride Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Until then.

Barn Rules

So on my way out to the barn yesterday morning, for some reason, I started thinking about what the rules for my barn would be. No idea where it came from, but since the plan is once we're on the other side of the current pandemic to build the new place, which if I get to have anything to say about it, will include at a bare minimum a barn, and ideally a lit, covered area, it doesn't seem entirely out of line. Yes, I realize that a lit, covered riding arena will cost almost as much as the house. I also don't give a fuck. Anyway, here's what I've come up with so far:

Spiderfox Ranch Barn Rules

1. If you're smoking in here, you or the barn better be on fucking fire, and it better not be the barn.
2. All of the ponies in the barn are the best pony.
3. Clean up after your horse.
4. Clean your tack after your ride.
5. There are no politics in the barn. Take that shit elsewhere.
6. If you come off, it's hospital, or back on.
7. Always find a good note to end the ride on.
8. No Rollkur.
9. If you're the last person at the barn, make sure the aisle's sweeped, the stalls are mucked, gates are shut, and lights are out.
10. If you see Fox continually checking an already closed and latched gate or stall door, please check it with him, and assure him it's closed.

There will probably be more added along the way, but this feels like a good start. I might re-visit this list every so often, and make a new post to add to the list as I come up with new ones. Another idea that just came to mind was to perhaps in the near future do a "these are Fox's rules for riding" list, and revisit that yearly. Maybe I'll do that post around Thanksgiving. Which, given the insanity that 2020 has been, may as well be a year from now. We've got the rest of the presidential campaign, and the election to get through before then. Pretty sure that whole mess is going to feel like a fucking year between now and then. I'm just going to leave it there, because rule #5.

Onto the riding, then? Do let's.

After the saddle fitting, and, frankly, a couple of tune-up rides from Christine, Selten was significantly lighter in the bridle. Shocking, I know. And it seems there is a culprit for the heaviness I was experienced that I did not suspect--It seems that I am not giving enough in my outside rein. I have developed a tendency to get in, but not get out, which causes him to hang on it. I also realized one of the things making my rein back so herky jerky and not fluid: I'm clenching with my knees, so of course he doesn't want to move. I'm completely shutting down the shoulders with the upper leg, my seat and lower leg are saying "back up", so I'm saying, "Ok. Back up, but don't... like.... move your front legs." To which, he's rightly responding, "....the fuck?". Something to think about. I also need to make sure that I'm keeping my legs on in my halts. I seem to have gone back to just shoving my feet forward like I'm trying to do a western sliding stop. Except I have no idea how those actually work. Plus, I'm a Dressage rider, so I don't see how that's going to be in any way helpful.

In addition to those productive discoveries, during the lesson, we worked on some collected canter, counter canter circles and serpentines, canter/walks, and simple changes through the walk on the short diagonal. During which, I had the following additional useful observations of things that need to improve:(listed in no particular order)

• In both my walk->canter, and my canter->walk transition, I am hunching my shoulders, and losing my core engagement. I noticed it more so in the upward transition. My suspicion is that this may be another hold-over I have from riding Shadow--bracing for an imminent rodeo that never comes.
• I need to ride my canter->walk to the bitter end, and not stop riding until he's several strides into the walk. I have the tendency to stop riding as soon as I feel him about to slow down, thinking "got it!". So, because I'm not finishing the transition by telling him, "yes, you're slowing down, and I want it to be into a walk", he's picking what's easiest for him, which is to fall on the forehand, and dribble into a walk, rather than sit down, and walk.
• Corners. USE. THEM. WISELY. Especially on the short diagonal. Once you turn that corner and are on the diagonal, there is not a whole lot of time to put your canter together, transition to walk when you hit centerline, and then pick up your next canter lead 3 walk steps later. I of course knew this intellectually, but I got a very visceral feel for it when on one of the diagonals, I really made him sit down, and came out of the corner collected and organized, and the short diagonal didn't feel as short, because I was already prepared for it.
• For fuck's sake, BREATHE, Fox! (This is a continual thing. There is a good chance that I will need to remind myself of this my entire riding career)
• Relax in the counter-canter. I've gotten so afraid that my horse will do a flying change on me (happened on Summer at a show, got railed for it by the judge), that I'm making this so much harder on myself than it needs to be. What keeps the lead is not me getting all tense, it is keeping the outside leg back, the inside seat bone of the canter lead driving, and the horse ever so slightly shoulder fore on the lead I want to keep. The flying change is going to come when those flip. I need to start getting this drilled into my muscle memory.

There may have been more, but those all feel like particularly solid things to keep in mind. I always try to come away with at least one takeaway from my lesson, and that's 5, so, we're just going to notch up a W on that one. These are all things that will come with some more concerted practice, and lots of wet saddle pads. One of the thought processes I've adpopted recently, (shoutout to Fallon Taylor) is that you just need to be 1% better each ride. Slow, or incremental progress is still progress.

And having typed that, I realized that we worked on one other thing--Rein back to trot. That was pretty cool. For those who don't know, Rein back to trot is a 4th level movement. So, all in all, a really good lesson, and a great way to cap off the week. In other news, Christine told me about a recognized show that's occurring the first week of December down in Manor, and asked if I'd be interested in going to it. My initial plan was to do a schooling show in December, and go recognized in early 2021, but I feel like I could certainly put together a capable first level test on Selten, and feel pretty good about being ready to do second level by then as well. It's close to home, and plus, it's at the same barn that I did my first ever recognized show at, so I think it'd be kind of cool to do my first recognized show on my new horse at the same venue. I need to get on getting Selten's USEF/USDF registrations transferred over to me. I will try to remember to do that tomorrow after I get back from the barn. That's enough for tonight, I think. I'll try to update after my ride tomorrow.

Heavy.

This is going to be a bit of a catch-up entry. Last week was a bit of a light week for both me and Selten. Partially by design, also partially by my guilt over breaking my trainer's bridle. Yes, I realize that it is just a bridle, and the important thing is that Selten is OK. I'm not going to try to defend it, so let's just let it rock and move on. Cool?

Cool.

My rides were OK, I suppose, but they were characterized by a single word: heavy. He wanted me to carry his head, and I tried everything I could think of to get him off his forehand and sitting again. Halt to reinback to forward again, trot halt, walk/canters, etc, and none of it worked. I'm trying to figure out why. The only things I can think of are that 1) I wasn't demanding enough impulsion. 2) I was stiff in my upper body, 3) I was curling my wrists and not giving him the inside rein. My trainer rode him today, and when I asked how he was, I got pretty much exactly the response I was anticipating:"A little heavy at first, then very good." My plan for this week in my lessons is to understand what it was I was doing wrong last week, and start training more effective corrections. As for last week, the positives I'm going to take from the experiences is:

• That I was able to recognize he was too heavy.
• That I actually tried to do something about it.
• That I now know exactly why you don't let them scratch their face with the bridle on.
• That my horse is a saint.

Continuing with the positives, tomorrow, the Bridle Suite will be coming out and I will be buying a new bridle (well... two), and SOME. NEW. FRIGGIN'. RIDING. BOOTS. Now, I'm not gonna blame my equipment... but I'm gonna blame my equipment. I hate how it feels to be riding in my winter boots. The fit more like muck boots, (which, well... they are) and I don't have the same feel with my foot and thigh in the stirrup as I do when I'm weearing riding boots. At the very least, it's been distracting, and at the very worst, I feel like for sure my lower leg has been far too busy. Being back in proper riding boots will at the very least remove that excuse. Then, tomorrow, the saddle fitter will be out, because Selten's put on so much topline already that the saddle needs to be re-flocked.

#humblebrag

Well, not really. Credit for that really should go to Christine, not me. She's been riding him more, and I've just been doing my best to not fuck up her hard work when I ride. So after Thursday, there will be absolutely no excuses, or equipment to blame. If there are problems, they will clearly exist between the saddle and reins. I mean, that's where they've always been. So really, nothing will be different, I'll just have shiny new tack.

10 PANIC 20 GOTO 10

Oof.

Not the best day, or ride. Standby for pity party. Actually, fuck it. Hang on one sec more, Imma pour myself a bourbon because it's been one of those. Alrighty, now I can start the pity party.

My original intent today was to wake up early and go ride in the morning before work, but there was an early morning meeting scheduled today that made that not possible. No problem, since I would be able to be done with work in the afternoon, with plenty of time to ride after. Early morning meeting went fine, I helped get the groceries in, and I dialed into my team meeting not expecting anything out of the ordinary. This was my first mistake of the day. (Wait until the last one, though. It's even dumber, and more expensive.) I won't go into the exact details, because A) I'd like to try and maintain some level of privacy, and B) as a rule, I'm not terribly fond of airing my work dirty laundry out in public. But the executive summary is this: I was asked about some goings-on in our test environment, which brought to light that our development may come to a screeching halt, with a very long lead time to recover and become productive again. While we're in the midst of a project that we're trying to launch by the end of the year. And worst of all? It was going to be 100% my fault, and I had done nothing to mitigate, warn, or plan for.

You know, the kind of shit people lose their jobs for.

In an attempt to try and get ahead(??) of my impending unemployment, I sent a series of messages to various Important People™, and since by this time, it was lunch time, nobody was responding. With nothing else productive to do while I stared at Slack waiting for responses, I did the only logical thing--had a panic attack. And no, I'm not speaking figuratively. It was a genuine, honest-to-Goddess meltdown. I have the heart rate data to prove it. Poor Zhi, who was out of the house at a doctor's appointment walked in the door while I was midway through losing my shit. Not a good look on me, if I'm honest. By and large, I tend to be pretty good in a crisis, but for some reason, this particular issue was a bridge too far for my addled psyche. I finally managed to get it together and get back to trying to dig myself out of the mess I had created, when I finally had a chance to get on a call with someone who knew what the hell was going on. And, fortunately for my job, but decidedly less so for my ego, I had completely misunderstood the situation. Everything was fine. There was to be no great cataclysm in our Test environment that I has completely failed to prevent. Good news for my employment prospects. Bad news for my endocrine system. The rest of the work day was fairly uneventful, but honestly, I was cooked, so I was more than happy to knock off early and go to the barn to see my pony.

Since I knew I was cooked, I made the conscious decision to not work on too much today, mainly keep things to a walk, and work on making sure he was using his hind end, and not leaning on the reins, as well as work on some rein back. Difficult to say whether this was just me being in an overall bad state today, or if there was a genuine issue, but I never did really feel like I successfully got him light in the bridle today. I tried all the tricks: lots of transitions, halt to rein back, counterflexing, exaggering the bend, etc., but it was one of those rides where not a goodamn thing you do seems to work. Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, I called it quits, and hopped off, and went to go muck out the arena. Here's where my more expensive, and dumber mistake happened. While I was mucking out the arena, Selten rubbed his face on his leg, managed to step on his reins, set back, and broke the bridle. It snapped just above where the crown piece joins with the cheek piece. I do not think there is a way to fix it. Fortunately, Selten is OK, and I'm OK. Unfortunately, this was my trainer's bridle that she had graciously loaned me from her now-retired GP horse, and I feel like a grade A asshole that my horse broke it on my watch. Of course, I will be replacing the bridle. That goes without saying. I called and let her know what happened, and she was really cool about it, but honestly, I still feel terrible about it, to say nothing of the fact that my stupid ass called her the night before championships to let her know that my stupid ass had broken her bridle. I know it's just a bridle, and I know I'll make it right, but I'm all kinds of out of sorts today, so I think it's probably best that I wrap this up, get over myself, get some sleep, and start over in the morning. Hopefully tomorrow, I will come to you with 100% less whining.